One certainty of life is that one member of every couple will die before the other, leaving a surviving spouse or partner to grieve.
The surviving partner will find their life changed for ever. They may be faced with raising children alone, shopping and cooking for one, sleeping and eating alone.
They may feel guilt that they did not notice warning signs, which acted on could have extended their partner’s life.
They may face physical and mental challenges. Some find it difficult to get out of the house while others prefer to go out to escape the memories it contains, only to come home to an empty house, which can be devastating. Often people find themselves excluded from former social groups because of their new single status.
Many friends and neighbours will expect bereaved people to get over their loss and feel better in a few weeks. But is this realistic?
“No,” say members of Solace, a nation-wide organisation, aiming to help people deal with their loss.
People need to share their grief, connect to others with a similar experience and have their experiences and feelings acknowledged. They also need acceptance of their new status and to be able to talk about their deceased partner, even if that brings tears.
Sandra Button, president of Solace WA, is also the facilitator for the Mundaring Solace group,
“On average I receive three calls a week from newly bereaved people. They have heard about Solace by word of mouth, from the website or have been referred by their doctor. funeral directors, hospitals, social workers or Silver Chain.
“We offer to chat with them on a one-to-one basis prior to their first meeting.
“This allows time for them to talk about their loss and the impact that this has, not only on them but often their children.
“Then I ask if they would like to meet with a friendly group.
“Members come and go, but we generally have about 75 members in our four branches at Mundaring. Gosnells, West Perth and Connelly.
“Each group has weekly meetings. There are also informal café groups, lunches, a walking group, men’s meet up and occasional outings or speaker.
“We also try to help people in rural and remote areas such as Kalgoorlie. We even have some people reaching out from Singapore. We talk to them via Zoom,” she said.
Solace provides a safe non-judgmental environment with experienced facilitators to encourage people to share their grief, fears and challenges.
She said sudden deaths can be a shock, death following long drawn out chemotherapy, going downhill for 18 months or death of a partner with dementia can be particularly difficult due to prior loss of the relationship between partners.
“No matter how they died the surviving member needs to grieve.”
The only requirement to join a Solace group is to have lost a partner, no matter how long ago. The annual subscription of $30 covers the cost of insurance and room hire.
If you need help following loss of a partner contact Solace through the website www.solacegroupsupportwa.org.au or call (08) 9474 3297.
