We know that the dating game is not exclusively for the young. For more than 20 years Have a Go News has run the very successful Friend to Friend page, a free service for readers which offers people the opportunity to find friends, travel companions and partners.
It’s a well utilised section and each month we see people from as young as 38 to as old as 88 on our page looking for companions.
There have been many successful pairings, including a few marriages. It’s another one of the feel-good things we do at Have a Go News for our readers.
Taking the plunge to get back out there and start seeing people is a brave step for anyone, particularly as you get older.
I had the opportunity to speak to clinical psychologist and dating expert John Aiken from Married at First Sight fame.
John has specialised in relationships for 30 years and although he has closed his private practice, he is passionate about studying human relationships. Working full time on Married at First Sight (MAFS) he continues to upskill professionally.
“Throughout the year I go to workshops and conferences to keep my professional development up to speed; I specialise in relationships, that’s where my passion is; working both with singles and couples and I don’t think that will ever stop,” he told Have a Go News.
John has offered some useful advice for daters particularly those who are new to the scene.
He says older daters need to have the right mindset; which is…’I am going to get out there and try and get out of my comfort zone.’
“Remember dating is like anything, it’s a numbers game, so not taking it personally if it doesn’t work out is important,” said John.
“Just get back in there and try to meet different people in different settings, it all helps you to find out what you like.
“Whether you have dated a lot over the years or just come out of a relationship, it’s really important to utilise the wisdom that you have.
“Learn from the past and really get clear before you meet that next person what your preferences are, what you like and what you don’t like.
“I say to people who are looking to get into the dating game, think about the last relationship and think about why they weren’t right for you.
“What are you looking for in your next partner? What are you going to do next time around that is different?”
John says it’s also important to look at yourself and ask yourself what makes you so good at relationships.
“You need to ask yourself those questions and get clear on the answers before you start dating.”
He also suggests finding out information from people who are already in the dating game and how it works for them.
“If you are going to go online you might get someone who has already done that to help you and help you understand the different apps that are out there and help you with the research on it.
“It’s very important to get familiar with the process before you launch in,” said John.
John also suggests utilising your friendship base when dating; ask them for advice and their opinions.
“Friends are very important as they are going to be able to tell you what is going on, because sometimes love can blind you and having them give you feedback is important in the dating game.”
John said that many people do the same thing a certain way for many years and it’s important to try something different and see where that leads.
“If you use these tips, it can be a guide for you and remember – it’s not going happen if you stay indoors on your own and watch TV, so be brave and get out there and break the mould,” he said.
And his advice about sexual relationships and dating…
“If you are wanting to find someone who wants a commitment there’s no rush, get to know them before jumping into bed.”
John believes that sex can race relationships forward so much that you may not end up meeting people who are into commitment.
“I always tell people to be a little more cautious than risky, take it slow and get to know them and you will find out very quickly if their intentions are the right ones.”
John Aiken is a clinical psychologist and has featured as an expert on Married at First Sight (MAFS) television show for 12 years.
Married at First Sight begins on January 27 on Channel 9 or watch it on 9 NOW.